first fig

my candle burns at both ends…

Tag: anxiety



monster and valkyrie have had quite a bit of developmental testing done and they the major finding each time i that they have issues with transitions. well, they come by it honestly because I have major issues with transitions.

three years ago when I went from a full time working mother to a full time stay at home mother i fell into a horrible depression that lasted six months. after spending the summer as basically a working mother again, this past week where i have transitioned back into the primary caregiver has been rough.

my anxiety is sky high and i’m feeling the tendrils of depression wrap around my heart. i have been dealing with mental health issues long enough to know when i need help and i have this under as much control as i can. but still, i’m exhausted.

it was valkyrie’s first day of full time preschool so i’m hoping once we are all settled in our new schedule things will ease up.

i just have to keep telling myself one step at a time.

my old friend


anxiety has been a near constant companion since childhood. sitting, uninvited on my chest, and whispering nasty things in my ear. at time i have pushed him off and told him to go away. he will stay away for a while but always–always–he comes back, wrapping himself around my torso and daring me to move.

over time i have learned how to move him, carrying him piggyback through my days. i have found that the busier i am the lighter he gets. this is the reason i have three children five and under, am pursuing a graduate degree, writing a thesis when only a capstone paper is required, actively engaged in my religious community, writing for three blogs and heavily invested in mormon feminist activism. when i am doing well at all of those things i barely remember that my old friend anxiety even exists.

but there are days. Read the rest of this entry »