first fig

cross posted at the exponent

it’s that time of the year again. there’s a chill in the air, the leaves are changing, i am suddenly craving apples and pumpkin and mr. mraynes spends a good deal of each Saturday watching, reading and discussing football.

i’m not a fan of the game; i have never understood the point and find it excruciatingly boring to watch. on top of that I have a big problem with the celebration of hyper-masculinity that is football. it is stylized warfare with each team trying to march into enemy territory. think of what football says about gender roles; men should be out front fighting while women cheer them on at the sidelines. and of course those women should be blonde, buxom and in as few clothes as possible. even the rhetoric reinforces male dominance with terms such as penetrate and score. Read the rest of this entry »

cross posted at exponent

I, like many, dread the weeks we talk about gender roles at church. These conversations are often trite and repetitive and serve to alienate those who fall outside the prescribed ideals for men and women. My Relief Society had one of these lessons several weeks ago and I was pleasantly surprised that the class actively engaged with the topic and sometimes critically pushed against some of the more restrictive ideas. For example, the class had compiled a list female roles, a typical list that included things like women are nurturers. At one point one of the counselors in Relief Society presidency pointed out that there was not one role on the list that men could not fulfill except for the physical act of giving birth. Read the rest of this entry »

cross posted at the exponent

we had a little interchange here at exponent this week. it’s a fairly common one for us and a lot of female-run blogs. commenters of the male persuasion will swoop in and inform us of our general ignorance/misunderstanding of the gospel or secular issues and then attempt to explain to us “how things really are.” in the feminist blogosphere, this phenomenon is called “mansplaining”. Here’s a definition:

Mansplaining isn’t just the act of explaining while male, of course; many men manage to explain things every day without in the least insulting their listeners.

Mansplaining is when a dude tells you, a woman, how to do something you already know how to do, or how you are wrong about something you are actually right about, or miscellaneous and inaccurate “facts” about something you know a hell of a lot more about than he does.

Bonus points if he is explaining how you are wrong about something being sexist!

Think about the men you know. Do any of them display that delightful mixture of privilege and ignorance that leads to condescending, inaccurate explanations, delivered with the rock-solid conviction of rightness and that slimy certainty that of course he is right, because he is the man in this conversation?

That dude is a mansplainer. Read the rest of this entry »

cross posted at the exponent

several months ago, Salon published an article by an atheist woman obsessed with reading mormon mommy blogs. this article got a lot of attention but seemed to strike a chord with many mormon women i know. my facebook page was overrun with links to this particular article with friends commenting that although the author didn’t know it, it was really the truthfulness of the gospel that attracted her to these blogs. i personally found the article patronizing and infuriating in its reduction of mormon women to one particular genre but at the same time, oddly validating. you see, i’m a little obsessed with mormon housewife blogs myself.

i’ve analyzed this particular obsession of mine and arrived at the conclusion that i am attracted to the image of control that these women present to the world. they have the perfect family, home, clothes; they seemingly live a life full of simplicity and beauty that is intoxicating.  i can’t help but compare my hectic and chaotic existence with those pictures of domestic tranquility. whether that is what’s really going on behind the scenes is beside the point, their lives look more beautiful than mine. Read the rest of this entry »

cross posted at lds wave

dear ask a feminist,

my husband and i were married in the temple over eight years ago. i hold a calling teaching relief society. my testimony is strong, but painfully damaged. to make a long story short. my husband is addicted to pornography and has been physically, verbally, financially and emotionally abusive. not to mention treats me like an object. my efforts with six bishops in eight years has been disappointing. my husband has even admitted some things to these bishops and yet he still has not ever been even put on church probation. one bishop gave him a calling and a temple recommend, but them the stake president refused to sign it. especially the last three bishops are disappointing as they know he has now been arrested for domestic violence and yet they have continued to do nothing. my husband consistently intimidates me and the children with scary anger and threats. my husband is a full tithe payer and goes to church every week, but does nothing at all to change. does the money protect his position and lack of action? he sleeps through church and if awake says prayers and makes intellectual scriptural based comments. these comments make me cringe considering the way he treated me that day and nearly every day. talk about feeling unequal. even our Heavenly Father punishes us and we as parents punish our children. not because we want to see them miserable, but because we are trying to facilitate or motivate a change. i have been blamed by his parents and by bishops. i have been asked if I am “taking care of his needs” when discussing his pornography usage. there are so many more details. i feel beaten down and want to leave him, but i haven’t worked in six years. i have an accounting degree, but i am afraid that i might lose my children if i can’t get a job and provide for them. i have gone to weekly counseling for two years now to get stronger. i’m assured, by my counselor, that i am not even depressed, just dealing with a lot. so why does this treatment of me not make sense? why are the bishops leaving all the consequences up to me. like if i don’t like it then leave him mentality. i feel neglected and unsupported. is there something in the bishop’s handbook about allowing this behavior?

sincerely,
unsupported Read the rest of this entry »

cross posted at the exponent

policy experts have long noted the perplexing problem of low birthrates among the most free and democratic countries. indeed, most European countries have negative birthrates, meaning european women are having less than the two children it takes to replace the population. though america still has a positive birthrate, experts project that we will be in the same situation as europe within the next fifty years. the consequence of a low birthrate is that countries have an increasingly older  population. this presents a variety of problems, obviously a smaller and older workforce decreases productivity and threatens the solvency of pension and social insurance systems. Read the rest of this entry »

cross posted at the exponent

i have a two year-old daughter. a beautiful, mischievous, redheaded imp of a girl who leaps and spirals through life. she is my light in this world, a daily reminder of the goodness of God.

this past sunday, as i picked her up from her nursery class, my daughter proudly thrust a piece of paper into my hands and said, “look mommy, i drawing.” i started to tell her how lovely her drawing was but stopped short as i registered the image before me. underneath her pink crayon scribblings was a picture of a little boy with the words “I Have a Body like Heavenly Father’s” printed above him. but what really took my breath away was this image in juxtaposition to my daughter’s very feminine name scrawled in the upper right-hand corner. Read the rest of this entry »

cross posted at the exponent

i recently began research for my thesis into public policy and the way it affects women. one theme that i keep running into again and again is what feminist legal scholar Martha Minow calls the dilemma of difference. in her book Making All the Difference: Inclusion, Exclusion, and American Law, she writes:

“The dilemma of difference may be posed as a choice between integration and separation, as a choice between similar treatment and special treatment, or as a choice between neutrality and accommodation.”

this is an area rife with landmines for feminist scholars. some believe that women should only accept equal treatment without regard to biological differences such as pregnancy if women have any hope of reaching a modicum of equality. their argument is that by accepting special treatment, women risk reinforcing the age old narrative of women’s vulnerability and inferiority. but those who argue for special treatment believe that policy needs to be put in place that addresses the unique needs women have from men. they also believe that failing to acknowledge the differences does little to remedy systematic inequality. Read the rest of this entry »

cross posted at the exponent

six months ago, in the middle of my second trimester, i started making preparations. these weren’t the typical preparations of setting up a nursery, buying baby clothes and taking lamaze classes that usually accompany an impending arrival. rather, it involved a series of conversations with my medical providers about the very real possibility of a post-partum depressive episode. i alerted my midwives to my history of seasonal depression, talked with my endocrinologist about the importance of keeping my thyroid hormones in check, retained a psychiatrist in case i should need medication and put my therapist’s number on speed-dial. i was taking no chances. instead of anxiously awaiting a new bundle of joy, i anxiously expected a return of darkness. Read the rest of this entry »

cross posted at the exponent

the internet was abuzz a few weeks ago with the story of a feisty woman that shouted down a man who sexually assaulted her on the subway. this, and the uproar surrounding the new tsa policies have created an opportunity for increased awareness and greater discussion about the reality of sexual harassment and sexual assault that all women face.

if statistics are to be believed, 1 in 4 women will be sexually assaulted in her lifetime. that number is probably much higher due to under-reporting. indeed, each of us probably has an experience where we have been harassed, assaulted or touched without our consent. Read the rest of this entry »