first fig

somehow gorecki’s 3rd  symphony is the only musical accompaniment that goes along with my research.

cross posted at the exponent

it was a small gesture i had seen hundreds of times before, my father pausing for a brief moment to appreciate a thing of beauty. this time it was an arrangement of lilies that he had stopped to smell as he walked towards the pulpit to bear his testimony. i smiled to myself, it was so uniquely my father. But from behind i heard an unmistakable snigger as a girl from my laurel class leaned forward and whispered in my ear, “your dad is so gay.” Read the rest of this entry »

since the “war on women” began i have heard several friends, pundits, politicians express disbelief that access to contraception and women’s empowerment are in any way correlated. this is a shocking assertion to me because research has consistently shown that women’s empowerment and reproductive freedom are inextricably tied. Read the rest of this entry »

cross posted at the exponent.

i was seven months pregnant in october of 2010 when my midwife alerted me to the fact that my chosen post-pregnancy method of birth control, a copper iud, might not be available. a proposed amendment to the state of colorado’s constitution, known as the colorado fetal personhood amendment, was seeking to codify the rights of the unborn at the moment of conception. this meant that if amendment 62 was passed, IUDs and many forms of hormonal birth control would no longer be available in the state of colorado for fear that they would prevent a fertilized egg from implanting in a woman’s uterus. my baby was due around the first of the new year and in waiting the required six weeks post-partum, the personhood amendment would go into effect and I would no longer be able to get an IUD. Read the rest of this entry »

(the following is an excerpt from the sacrament meeting talk i gave in my ward several weeks ago.)

god gave me music at an early age. i was an incredibly anxious child and extremely shy. i went through the world hoping not to be noticed and barely speaking if I could at all help it. Read the rest of this entry »

cross posted at the exponent

it seems the old debate on the virtue of gendering toys has sprung up again. my facebook queue has been overrun with articles,podcasts, videos all decrying the girlie-girl culture we find ourselves a part of. this most recent debate seems to have been sparked by the outrage over a new kind of legos designed and marketed specifically to girls–legos, not in traditional primary colors but in pastels and pink.

protesters fought back with a picture from another legos marketing campaign. this one has a cute redheaded girl holding a magnificent legos creation with the tag line, “What it is is beautiful.” this picture made me catch my breath, it is so reminiscent of my own delightful copper-haired imp. i look at this picture and think yes, this is what i want for my daughter.  Read the rest of this entry »

several days ago i was at a park with my children. there was nothing particularly interesting about this park except for two older boys at one corner play-fighting. i don’t like my children to watch or engage in violent behavior so i tried to keep their attention on the other side of the park. but we kept hearing snippets from their dialogue: ” i have the power.” “ha ha, i just took your power.” “you can’t take it because i’m invincible.” “i have your power, i have your power.” “No. i have THE POWER.”

my daughter, valkyrie, became more and more distracted by their exchange and before i could stop her, marched over to the two boys. valkyrie stared at them intently and then proclaimed, “now i have the Power.” she snatched at the air in front of their faces as if, in this one single gesture, all of their power and the power of the universe would be instantly transferred to her. the look on their faces was priceless because, at least momentarily, my three year old daughter had taken the power. Read the rest of this entry »

cross posted at doves and serpents

the most subversive, revolutionary act in this world is to speak the truth. this is especially so for women. speaking one’s truth is an act of courage requiring a level of assertiveness that may or may not be in a woman’s possession. patriarchal cultures have traditionally frowned upon assertiveness in women, training their daughters instead to exist for those around them rather than for themselves. the consequences of trained passiveness don’t need explanation; suffice it to say that such a practice harms women in body, mind and soul.

i counseled victims of intimate partner violence for many years and saw firsthand the results of women trained to be passive and submissive. the damage done to women and children affected by this evil is unspeakable.  as part of my counseling, i offered my clients an assertiveness training course. here we would learn what assertiveness is and how it differs from passiveness and aggression—a concept that is a revelation for many women. i taught my clients how to use “I” language and how to communicate in an ethical way. and then we would practice . . . and practice . . . and practice . . . Read the rest of this entry »