first fig

my candle burns at both ends…

answer

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i wrote in my last post that i’ve been having a rather difficult time lately and today i got the answer as to why. i had a blood test taken yesterday and it turns out that my thyroid is dangerously low.

i’ve been dealing with thyroid issues since i was 14 but it never gets less frustrating. a healthy level for someone like me is 2.5…i’m at a 31.

of course this completely explains why I have been so exhausted and have felt like i’m going crazy. unfortunately, this doesn’t mean any of my burdens will magically disappear or get lighter. i still have 3 kids to take care of and 2 graduate courses to finish this semester.

usually when i have a thyroid reading this bad it means I am seriously overburdened and need to take better care of myself. so i’m going to take a break for a couple of days while my body recovers and after that i’ll probably post a little bit lighter.

and one day i’ll be an (un)employed graduate and will have all the time in the world to post interesting and thought-provoking things. but until then…

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transitions

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monster and valkyrie have had quite a bit of developmental testing done and they the major finding each time i that they have issues with transitions. well, they come by it honestly because I have major issues with transitions.

three years ago when I went from a full time working mother to a full time stay at home mother i fell into a horrible depression that lasted six months. after spending the summer as basically a working mother again, this past week where i have transitioned back into the primary caregiver has been rough.

my anxiety is sky high and i’m feeling the tendrils of depression wrap around my heart. i have been dealing with mental health issues long enough to know when i need help and i have this under as much control as i can. but still, i’m exhausted.

it was valkyrie’s first day of full time preschool so i’m hoping once we are all settled in our new schedule things will ease up.

i just have to keep telling myself one step at a time.