first fig

anxiety has been a near constant companion since childhood. sitting, uninvited on my chest, and whispering nasty things in my ear. at time i have pushed him off and told him to go away. he will stay away for a while but always–always–he comes back, wrapping himself around my torso and daring me to move.

over time i have learned how to move him, carrying him piggyback through my days. i have found that the busier i am the lighter he gets. this is the reason i have three children five and under, am pursuing a graduate degree, writing a thesis when only a capstone paper is required, actively engaged in my religious community, writing for three blogs and heavily invested in mormon feminist activism. when i am doing well at all of those things i barely remember that my old friend anxiety even exists.

but there are days. Read the rest of this entry »